Man, Have I got a rash on the back of my a...

And a bizzare one at that. It started the other day on my butt. No, it ain't pretty.

Of course, my question was, how the heck did I get a rash on my butt? I've got to have one of the cleanest butts on the planet. Listen, one of my buddies calls me Mr. Hygene for a reason you know? I mean how many guys do you know that have stopped in an airport of a third world country and created a sterile zone? Right?

But, none the less, there it was. Now, I know I haven't been sitting in posion ivy, I know I don't have any STDs. So what the heck can this be?

I've been on a great detox as part of the first three weeks of the UltraMetabolism diet (check it out!), so I thought maybe it was something I'm eating. Well, considering that I cut out virtually everything that I was already alergic to, I don't think it's that! Maybe I'm having too much cashew-butter? Nah. I've been known to wipe out an entire can of cashews by myself.

I was taking something for inflamation because I had subluxated my knee-cap (that means that it hurt like all hell - just so you know and can send sympathy cards). It was the only major thing different. So, I stopped taking it.

Still had a rash.

Then, suddenly, for no discernable reason my rash jumps from the cozy warm confines of my little Italian tushie to my ankle. My ANKLE? What's with that?

But wait! Suddenly it's now on my right thumb! HUH? Yes, just my right thumb. Not my hand, not my wrist or anyplace else. My thumb. And then, just as inexplicably, it's on the inside of my left pinky. Two little spots. That's it. Just two.

But wait! Now it's on my right forearm!

What the hell is this thing?

No, it's not real itchy. It doesn't seem to be spreading in any discernable pattern. My ankle is no longer itchy and my forearm never really has been.

Hang on though folks... there's more! Next post you'll find out...