Hi, My Name is Phillip and I've got a Porn Issue

This post is born from an experience I had last Friday night. I was at a men's dinner at church where we had a guest speaker in, a guy who happens to be both an ordained minister AND a local sports talk show host. What was great about Larry was that right from the start he was from the hip and brutally honest. It was a great message that he gave.

Part of that message, and one that I talked about with other guys as well, was his story of how he called the cable company and had Cinimax turned off on his cable TV. Not because all Cinimax movies are bad, but because some of the programming contained pretty women in little or no clothing - and frankly it wasn't doing him any good.

Here, here.

That was a good biblical thing that Larry did. And, I've done it too. Scripture says that we should make a covenant with our eyes to put no unclean thing before them. And, it says that we should flee from evil. Good choice for Larry and me.

But I've got an issue.

23 years ago (almost 24) when I was saved I threw out all of my porn collection. I was actually stunned at the amount of magazines I had. That was 1982. I had no problems with porn until 1992 - the advent of the internet in my life. Still, it wasn't a big issue and it was pretty well laid to rest until 1995 when I finally had to have a computer in my house.

And there in lies the big rub. Unlike magazines, or even movie channels, I can't throw out my computer because the computer and the internet are where and how I make my money.

Yes. I've used proxies. Yes, I've set up firewalls. Here's what I've found. I get ticked off because I have them on - regardless of if I think of looking at someone's boobs or not. And, of course because I'm the resident geek in the house, there's nothing my wife can set up (if she was ever so inclined) that if I wanted to defeat it, I couldn't find a way around anyway. (and by the way, I do THAT just to see if it can be done - regardless of if I was tempted to look at something inappropriate).

My thoughts on the proxy by the way - it didn't ever really deal with the intention of the heart. And that ladies and gents is always the issue.

So what do I do then? Well, thankfully, I've never really gotten into porn. My idea of porn is still that of the 14 year old that looked at his dad's Playboy in the early 70's - boobs. I never got into any of the other stuff that resembled more of a OB-GYN monthly. Ewww. And honestly, that's been a HUGE benefit to me. Frankly, it's almost impossible to find something quite so boring or mundane as a woman without a shirt on without all the nastiest ads around it. And, I just don't go there - so it helps me resist the temptation even more.

But still, what do I do with this issue?

Well, to this date, I'm still not perfect - but I can tell you what God has done with me. Because, as I mentioned, this is a heart issue and it's God that wants my heart. And, if God more prevelantly dwells in my heart and my every thought is taken captive to him, and He in his holiness shines the spotlight on that thought - well, those thoughts don't last long.

And that's what I do. I have to say that this year has been probably the best year since I've required a connection to the net. I've gone long stretches without making a stupid decision - which I then regret almost immediately by the way. And, it's all to God's glory. Whatever the issues are in my heart, in me, about me - God is working those out. And, because of that I find that I'm a much free-er man.

Of course the fact that I have 4 daughters makes it even more necessary that I deal with this. The fact that any picture that I've looked at is of someone elses daughter greives my heart terribly. I hate to even THINK I could be that horrible. And that helps too.

So, am I there yet? Not quite, but I'm getting SOOOOO close. And in the process God is doing some wonderful things in me. One of the biggest things I've learned in the years of dealing with this issue is GRACE. You see, 10 years ago I didn't have much grace. Today, I abound in it. Why? Well silly, because I have an understanding of the NEED for grace so much more. I understand the grace that God extends to me. I understand the love he pours out each time I turn and ask his forgiveness. And in that I've become a better man, a better husband (ironically) and a better dad. I have lots of grace for my family now!

So, there it is, my name it Phillip and I've got a porn issue. No, I'm not an addict. Porn isn't something I'm addicted to. It's not something that causes cravings in my system. It's not a crutch. BUT, it is an issue. It's a distraction. It's sin that I know that God doesn't want in my life, and by his grace - as he promises - he is working to perfect me until I reach the day of completion (when I see him face to face).

And now you know. So, does this make me a hypocrite? Thankfully, no. A hypocrite is someone that sees issues in others but doesn't (or refuses to) recognize his own issues. No, this makes me a sinner saved by grace. In fact, it is almost the perfect example! Made clear mind you by a sin that most everyone understands is sin. Most people don't understand when sins like pride, or over eating or other sins that can really only be known by a loved one or God are discussed. But this? Everyone can understand this. And so, God has redeemed me, and he's working out his process of redemption in my all to human flesh. Thank you Jesus! I truly do appreciate it.

And, if you're someone that has a sin in your life, even if it isn't so easily identifiable as this one, the good news is that God can do the same thing for you. He can save you from your sin. He can expose the sin that is burried or hidden (like porn was with me before the internet), reveal it and then deal with the issues of the heart that cause it. At the end of the process you to can be a free-er man or woman too. Isn't that cool?

Thank you again Jesus - and to God be all the glory. Amen.