Thursday, October 27, 2005

So, I don't have a job. No. Wait. I do.

That was what the past week has been like. That and back pain. I have no idea what I did, I'm still working out like I had been, but suddenly. OW. Thank God for my chiropractor Shadi. Not only is she a peach, but she's great at getting me straightened out. Literally. I think I'll have to drop by again on Friday, but being that I haven't been going that much lately (that means that I've only been going once every 2-3 weeks instead of my usual weekly) I'm not too worried about it.

But anyway, work. Or lack thereof.

Some of you may know, some may not, that I'm a consultant. Most of my work is done in contracts. I had just renewed my contract where I'm working for Q4 and thought we were good to go. Well. That's not completely true. About two weeks ago I thought something was starting to smell fishy for a lot of different reasons. But I still thought that the contract would be good till then end of the quarter.

Guess what. It wasn't. Surprise! At least they waited until the week after my birthday and let me get through that crisis without the added burden!

So, there I was last Friday thinking... Hmmm. Baby coming. Christmas coming. I've got some contractors that I have to pay. I have no income. Beautiful. I, however, did not panic. I repeat, did not panic.

So, the question is "Why?" Good question.

Well, I'd like to say it was because I've been a contractor for 10 years essentially. But, that really isn't it. I'd like to say it's because I've gotten used to the ups and downs, but that really isn't true either. I'd REALLY like to say it was because I know that I'm brilliant, charming, handsome and talented - but we know better. By the way, that isn't to say that I'm not brilliant, charming, handsome and talented because actually - I'm not bad looking, I am charming, I have lots of talent and I'm pretty smart. But that wasn't why I didn't panic. Fact is, I know a lot of people that are better looking, a lot of people with tremendous talent and a bunch that are very charming. It doesn't guarantee anything. So, why didn't I panic? The question deserves an answer. So, here you go.

The answer is, that I realize that my provision isn't dependent on me. Not to say that I don't have to do my part - but I'm not the one responsible for providing. I'm responsible for obeying. You see, I realize that God made me a certain way. He knows my gifts, talents, strengths and weaknesses. He knows what he has in store for me - and he knows the end from the beginning.

With that knowledge, especially over the past two years, I've become far more adept at looking at things that happen as part of the plan. And, while they may not always seem to make sense to me at that moment in time, I know that I have a faithful and loving father that DOES know what's going on and that he isn't going to leave me in a lurch. I believe that because I also do my humble best (and believe me - it's very humble) to (a) read and obey the Bible, and (b) pray and listen for the voice of God. You see, if I follow his voice and trust that he won't lead me astray, then in the end it's all going to work out.

I know. You all think I've taken leave of my senses. Not even close. I've just taken leave of my pride (as much as possible to this moment). This world is a very big place - complex beyond what we can know and/or imagine. I have come to the realization that I'm not God. I don't know everything. So, I don't rely on myself to be God (or even god) and control everything. Yes, this does take faith - however, it is a faith placed in a deity that has over thousands of years proven his love and faithfulness for those who trust him.

I'm not saying this is always works perfectly. It doesn't. You see, I'm stubborn. Sometimes I don't listen. But, I have found that as long as I'm genuinely seeking to do the above that even when I take a wrong turn or a mis-step that God redirects me so that I get to the right spot on the path.

So. There's the answer. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. Acknowledge him in all your ways and he will direct your paths. (Proverbs). I know it isn't about me, it's about Him. I trust that he will provide for me as He has promised, he will take care of my family as he has promised. So, I continue to trust.

Hey, if you don't want to panic next time something that could be pretty disrupting comes up in your life then maybe you should give it a try.

Till next time!

1 comment:

CyberGal said...

You were loosing your job - I destroyed my list of program Unlock Codes, Serial Numbers and screen names. I also talked to God, to keep my perspective. I found I could recover 99% of the data and emailed my plight to a few companies, who were very kind. I have tried it both ways: man's way (a total washout, and God's way - when I actually do it, things get really sane, peaceful and I am a constructive influence.
Terrific and uplifting post.